It was twenty years ago today…

Haha! I’ve been waiting twenty years to do that! If you get the lyrical reference, I applaud you.

So, I am twenty. I shed my teen years at around 5 am today. I crawled in bed around three, and stared at the ceiling for about two hours wishing that I could fall asleep and wake up back in high school when morning came. When 5 came, though, I decided the last twenty years were great. I’ve gone through a lot with this world. Saw shuttle disasters, watched TRL, and said goodbye to Reagan. That’s beside the point; at around 5, I made a truce with uncertainty and decided that I would start again. I will live my life in increments of 20 years at a time. Reinventing my world every two decades.

That is clearly just what I need. More reinvention. I forgot I had this blog, and just found it again about twenty minutes ago. So much has changed since these earlier entries, but what’s frightening is things actually seem pretty much the same. I’m not sleeping properly. Life can still be boring. I am having trouble expressing myself to the world, due to my perpetual ability to transcend people, images, and states of mind.

I can’t discuss these previous statements because I’ll only get frustrated. For the last nine months I wanted nothing more than the warm summer months to come, and now that they are here all I want is Autumn. I think it’s because summer is such a temporary place to be, especially when you’re from the Northeast. It doesn’t feel like real life, and I really need to do some living right now.

I’d love a rainy, October day right now. A J. Crew sweater, a warm tea, a walk through Boston’s Public Gardens over damp red and orange leaves. Throw a trip to the MFA and a great travel book in there, and it sounds like a good day. Ideally, such a day would be followed by a night of steak au’poivre, a foreign film, and cuddling with a blond stranger in her matching cable knit sweater. A late evening of wine, making love, napping, making love, sleeping, making love, a wonderful brunch and then a permanent goodbye would mean perfection. If she carried some thoughts on Nick Drake, the ocean, and interesting career goals, then the permanent goodbyes could at least be stalled for a few months I’m sure.

Alas, though, we’re months away from that. I’ve got women troubles, as well. No surprises, there. There are several that have me in strange moods, but I just don’t think about any of them. They are all… how do you say? The same.

What else? Summer now means country music, wonderful drives, and hopefully some fishing trips soon. It’s a good life, it is. I miss my friends, and I look forward to the return of some old faces this summer. This will be the first I’m single in… oh, what is it? Four of five years? It just feels good to be free.

I’m starting an internship soon at a certain, major television network which shall remain unnamed. I have… mixed feelings. We’ll see. I don’t start for a couple weeks, though, which feels nice. I need to join a gym at home, and before the week ends I need to get to New York City, to the Village, and take some photos. I just… need to.

We’ll, I’m bad at commitments, but maybe I’ll keep this up… Hope you’re well.